A merging : Lord of the Rings and Twilight
by The Slinky Master
Summary: When Lord of the Rings and Twilight blend, Edward dies, Legolas gets checked out repeatedly, and much more... read and find out what happens when two books collide!
1. Chapter 1

**A Merging : Lord of the Rings and Twilight**

**In the world of Twilight:**

**Bella got her books out of her backpack as she slammed the door of her old cruddy truck. It was an icy, cold, and cloudy day. Edward was across the lot next to his Volvo….**

**In the world of Lord of the rings:**

**Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli were running down the field in pursuit of Pippin and Merry and the herd of orcs that had captured them.**

**PAUSE …**

**Hello readers, I am Brianna. And now we come to the section in my story where both stories ( Lord of the Rings and Twilight) will merge together! ALL THAT ONCE WAS WILL BLEND TOGETHER! Now…enjoy… let us begin the madness! **

***GONG NOISE***

**Now we begin our story as :**

**Suddenly- a blue van skidded across the ice heading towards Bella! Edward was just about to jump to save her when he spotted an extremely hawt blonde chick across the lot... Edward got distracted, Bella screamed! And was just about to hit Bella when BUH DUH DUH DAAAAH! Aragorn comes in and stabs a sword into a wheel stopping the van moments before hitting him and Bella. Then the hawt distracting blonde chick turned around and Edward found it was Legolas! He made fake barfing noises and turned away embarrassed. Bella looked at Aragorn, "You saved me!" Aragorn looked up at the sky proudly, " It appears I did."**

"**Wanna go to La Push?"**

"**Sure…"**

**Aragorn and Bella walked away leaving Gimli and Legolas in the parking lot, "Come! I think I found Pippin's broach!" exclaimed Legolas, picking up a piece of chewed gum from the ground. "Ah, hmm.. It seems so… The orcs must have gone that way! COME! Onward!" shouted Gimli following the road. They passed by Edward whom was sobbing on the ground finding that not only had he checked out a guy, but Aragorn was with Bella! "WHY?!" he cried. Meanwhile Aragorn and Bella had reached LaPush Beach. There were some cars parked here and there but it was pretty empty. The two were walking on it's shore when Frodo emerged from the road on horse back, going full speed! "AHH!" screamed Bella as Frodo mounted. **

"**The black riders… they… are coming…" sighed Frodo then he passed out.**

"**AH! A drunken midget!" cried Bella.**

"**Not it's Frodo!" said Aragorn picking up Frodo and shook him which woke up the hobbit, "Huh?" said Frodo coming back to consciousness. "Well…not what?" said Bella.**

"**Now you must ride and deliver Frodo to safety! (At least that's what happens in my story line,)" said Aragorn. **

"**Where could safety possibly be?!" **

"**Across the water! AH! Here come the riders!" cried Aragorn as the Blackhorse men paused in front of Bella, one whispered, "Did Arwin get a haircut?" as another stated, "Arwin's gained weight,"**

"**No, no… she obviously got stung by bees and is swollen now… "**

**Then the murmuring stopped the black riders started their horses running as Bella hopped on her horse with Frodo and shouted "giddy-up!" so then the black riders chases Bella. But they weren't to far when Strider shouted "HEY! MAKE THE WATER DO THAT TIDAL WAVE THING! SAY N****ämbiä Mêinba!"**

"**SAY Nä WHA-?" DOOOSH. She fell off the horse as Frodo fell too but he got caught on the horse's saddle and got carried away to the horizon dragged by his foot. The black riders pulled Bella on a horse and rode away….**

**Aragorn sighed, "Well… I would go off and save her- but… Bella isn't exactly worth saving…" and with that he walked away eating an apple Edward gave her. **

**Meanwhile…Edward was on a cliff as Legolas and Gimli followed a road just a few feet from the edge Edward stood on….**

"**Hey look! The desperate kid we met earlier is gonna commit suicide!" said Gimli stopping his tracking. Legolas halted too, "AWESOME! Let's watch… maybe we'll get paid by CNN to get pictures of him jumping…" said Legolas taking out his camera phone and walking closer to Edward. "I'm not gonna jump off the-" SNAP Legolas took a photo… "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Edward who was startled by the flash and took a step backwards off the cliff. Legolas got interrupted by the THUD Edward's landing made, "Are you gonna see if he lived?" said Gimli. **

"**Pssh! **_**Yeah right**_**! He's Edward Cullen! No one cares.…" said Legolas walking away.**

"**Hmm, good point." said Gimli following. Then this kid came up to Legolas, "Hey Jessica!" called the kid running up. **

"**What?" said Legolas in response. **

"**Jessica! It's me! Mike!" said the kid… then Legolas turned around.**

"**AHHHH! It's a dude!" said the kid and ran away. **

"**Hmm, this happens to much in this town." said Legolas walking away with Gimli not far behind him…**

**MEANWHILE: Hello again, peoples of fan fiction. This ends our merging of Lord of the Rings and Twilight…*GONG NOISE* … Now let's see how they're adjusting to their normal lives after the merging. **

**In the world of Twilight:**

**Bella looked out over the meadow… "Edward?" …her voice echoed.**

'**Edward Edward ****Edward****'**

**In the world of Lord of the Rings:**

**Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli were running through the field chasing Pippin and Merry's tracks when some guy came from behind Legolas… "Hey gorgeous!" he called then Legolas turned around and the guy shrieked "GASP! IT'S A GUY!?!?!" **

…

**Brianna : Little did Bella know, Edward had in fact died in the merging…you see, in Lord of the Rings vampires don't exist, so in response he was indeed human during the merging and as any human would do after a devastating fall off a cliff… he died. YAY…. Watch out Bella…more mergings will come, and after Edward's chosen fate… who knows what will happen to **_**you!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: A Merging: Lord of The Rings and Twilight**

_In The World Of Twilight :_

Bella and Edward were making out in the bed, ( Ewwwwww )

_In The World Of Lord of the Rings:_

Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry were at the Inn, waiting in horror as the black riders arrived in town, knocking down the guard and trampling into the street.

Hello readers, I have decided to continue this wonderful tale starting by reviving Edward (though I liked it better when he was dead- he is an important part of the story so he's alive- boohoo) and anyhoo I shall merge the two stories together again. YAY! *flash back to first chapter* ahh, good times. Well anyway- 1- 2 - 3! MERGE!

*GONG NOISE*

_Now we will start our tale as :_

The black riders slowly crept into Bella's room… as her and Edward slept. They raised their sword slowly over the bed unsuspectingly and then prepared to stab. However they miraculously missed and slashed open the pillows waking up Bella and Edward. A girlish scream sounded off and then Bella stared at Edward, "What kind of a scream was that!?" she snapped.

Edward began to babble, "Do I complain about the way you scream? NO! I just say ILL SAVE YOU! And I do! You don't do a thing but scream- so don't be so critical, just because I-!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAH!" sounded a torturous screech interrupting Edward's rant.

The black riders screeched and were swinging their swords randomly around in the fog of feathers that filled the air. The feathers from the pillows flew in the air giving Edward and Bella enough time to escape. So they went out the window and ran into the street.

"WHAT!? Where are we?!" cried Edward looking around to notice they were in a medieval village. "Oh crap, it's _**them **_again-" said Aragorn with his four hobbit companions following behind.

"Aragorn!?" said Bella remembering the first merging.

"Oh… _hi_… Bella…."said disappointed Aragorn.

"Hisssssss" growled jealous Edward.

Then Frodo had sudden epiphany- "OH YEAH!" he shouted

"Last time I saw you- Aragorn left Bella for the black riders."

"Oh yes- now I remember…." said Bella giving Aragorn an evil glare.

"Oh yeah hehe, hey Frodo- ix nay the itching day-" Aragorn said nervously.

"Oh, and let's not forget how he ate the apple Edward gave you-" said Frodo with a stupid grin. "And also there is how he-" Frodo was interrupted by Aragorn throwing his hand around his mouth.

"Well, anyway nice to see ya again but we must be on our way now- gotta get to Rivendale and vanquish Sauron, and what not-" laughed Aragorn panicky as he was pushing the hobbits along the road.

"What ever- " said Edward glad to see the ranger leave.

Later on- the hobbits and Aragorn had arrived at Rivendale. Aragorn walked in the gates saying " AT LAST! We may rest from our long journey to seek the wisdom of the sacred council and their splendid- WHAAA!?!?" shouted Aragorn confused as he opened the gates to see the suburban city of Forks Washington in front of him. He gaped at the filthy roads and littered sidewalks. "Where- where is- the towers of Elrond- and, and the waterfalls and bridges?! AND WHERE THE HECK ARE ALL THE PEACEFUL ELVEN FOLK!?" screamed Aragorn panting.

"I dunno… but I kinda like it here…." said Frodo staring at a jewelry shop with rings in the window.

"Yeah me too," said Sam staring out at a local bar.

"Well I don't! I prefer the solitude and peacefulness of Rivendale," said the stubborn Aragorn.

"Oh I see what's going on here," said Pippin grinning, "You wanna see Arwin!"

"Do not!" retorted Aragorn, blushing until he was red as a lobster.

"Oo la la!" said Merry nudging Aragorn's side.

"STOP IT! I- I- don't wanna go to Rivendale for Arwin, I wanna go to- to- see Bilbo! YES! Bilbo-"

"Nice try Aragorn! Bilbo is _FRODO'S _uncle!" said Sam crossing his arms.

"He is?" said Frodo with wide eyes.

"I- I mean- no. Of course not Frodo." said Sam.

"When's Bilbo gonna tell Frodo that he moved to Rivendale and claimed not to be his uncle because Frodo was so annoying?" whispered Pippin to Merry.

"When he takes off his restraining order against him-" answered Merry secretly. Pippin nodded in agreement.

"Well anyway I don't miss Arwin. Not one bit!" replied Aragorn.

"Yeah? PROVE IT!" said Sam.

"FINE!" said Aragorn, as he saw a girl walking just behind Sam, "And now is my chance to!" So Aragorn shoved Sam outa the way, walked to the girl,

turned around and kissed her. The girl slapped him and to Aragorn's dismay he found it was Bella with Edward at her side. "OH DISGUSTING!" cried Aragorn.

"What's that supposed to mean!?" cried Bella stomping on his foot.

"OW! That's not fair! I can't hit a girl!" he cried clutching at his foot.

Sam, Pippin, Frodo and Merry watched from the other side of the street, they couldn't hear the conversation because the crowds of people walking were too loud but they could just see Edward Bella and Aragorn from around the corner. "I don't care! I have Edward to protect me!" said Bella grabbing at Edward's hand.

Aragorn laughed, "Yes, I shall be afraid of the world's first gay vampire the day you're afraid of the world's first gay hobbit, Frodo!"

"I am **NOT **gay! … _You're blonde friend just looks like a hot girl from the back" _said Edward embarrassed as he remembered how he'd accidentally checked out Legolas.

"DON'T CALL MY BOYFRIEND GAY!" cried Bella.

"Tell him not to call my friend a hot girl!" shouted Aragorn.

"Don't tell me what to tell him!"

"Mon't tell meh wat tah tell heem!" mimicked Aragorn in an annoying baby voice sticking out his tongue.

Sam stared at Bella as she smacked Aragorn across the face and Sam laughed hysterically.

"Oh my gosh, Pippin, Merry, you gotta watch this! BWAHAHA! " he laughed as Bella punched Aragorn in the stomach. "All the fun of a cat fight without the worry of being smacked for laughing at this distance! Oh- he's about to get it in the- OOOF! Ow- he just got it in the-"

Bella and Edward walked away as Aragorn came back to his group with teary eyes and holding his crotch whimpering. Sam was rolling on the ground laughing and Pippin and Merry were eating their happy meals they had just bought and Frodo was no where in sight.

"Where's Frodo?" said the recovering Aragorn.

"I- haha- can't *snicker* remembahaha ahaha!" laughed Sam staring at the bruises on Aragorn's arms and legs. Sam got up and then Frodo came down the street. AVRAH BODAH DANCE NOW!

Frodo came down the street with a 70s afro, bell bottoms and a boom box playing AVRAH BODA DANCE NOW as he walked bouncing his afro as he came closer.

Sam took one look at his friend and broke into hysterical laughing again. "Oh brother…." said Aragorn rolling his eyes.

Pippin and Merry tried not to laugh with their mouths stuffed with French fries, but they began to spray the ground with French fries as they burst into giggling.

"Hey guys! That nifty tourist shop had some flippin' awesome stuff!" said Frodo happily.

Over where Bella and Edward were, they had just left out of the gates into Forks and were roaming the forest. They were in a meadow when Bella asked "Well… what now?". "According to our story line you have to figure out I'm a vampire-"

"Again?"

"Blame Stephanie Meyer-"

"What ever."

"Fine- AHEM- At least tell me something. You're impossibly fast and-"

"STOP STOP STOP!" cried Brianna (that's me ) barging in on their scene.

"Oh hi Brianna, how's our story going?" said Edward.

" Shut up! Now listen- you're boring our readers!"

"Oh. I am?" said Edward.

"Yes! You are-"

"Oh…. So what will we do? We have to put a piece of Twilight in the story or else it's not a merging of Lord of the Rings AND Twilight- it's just Lord of the Rings in Parody-" said Bella.

"Hmm… good point. … I know! Ok, now just- go on with your scene."

Said Brianna, POOF, with a cloud of smoke she disappeared.

"That was odd… oh well…" said Bella.

"…did ehs tahw rednow I" said Edward .

"What!? Edward?"

"!parc oh. Sdrawkcab gniklat m'I"

"Ohhhhhhhh- you're … talking backwards?"

Edward nodded with a frown.

"Oh well… we have to go on with our scene…"

"enif…enif…"

"Good."

"?diarfa ouy erA"

"No."

"eb dluohs uoy lleW"

Just then an orc came out of the woods. It hissed at them. "ARKAUSHKA! I FOUND THE TWO PRISONERS- the gay looking one and the fat one!" he said pointing to Bella and Edward. Just then a herd of orcs surrounded and kidnapped Bella and Edward.

**~PAUSE~**

_Hello readers. I am the author and now it seems that I have to end the merging and witness the after effects of our converging. Happy reading- _

_Brianna_

_p.s. Sadly, this chapter ended with Edward alive. Captured. But alive. =( boo hoo, however I will write a third chapter, mwuahahaha._

_In the world of Lord Of The Rings:_

Frodo and Sam followed Gollum reluctantly. Then they made camp in a cave as Frodo fell asleep. "Soon… we shall be together… my precioussssssssss" said Gollum as he petted the lovely afro wig.

_In the world of Twilight:_

"esaelp noil niatnuoM" said Edward at the Cullen dinner table. Alice passed the Mountain Lion platter to Edward and they began to dine.

_Author's note : There is a third chapter to come- thank you for all your critiques and compliments. I really appreciate it. =)_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Twilight and Lord of the Rings merging:**_

**The not-so-exciting conclusion…**

_Author's note: _

Hello faithful minions… (that's right- your brainwashed into reading this) Well anyhoo- I'm concluding the story here. *GASP* *dramatic music* This, the third chapter, shall close the portal between both book/movies !!! So I hope you enjoy this… so behold : CHAPTER THREE!!!!!!! The last of all chapters to close my parody trilogy… (yes I love fancy words)

The-bad-writer: althought i love edward, and you're not very...keen on him, i love this merge, both of my fave films and books, together!can't wait for chapter 3, and is there going to be any Jacob? =]

Me: Yes, Jacob is in it by the pure fact I'm bored of my current characters.

_-Brianna the great one_

p.s. thanks for the reviews! You guys rock-

_In the world of Twilight:_

Jacob smacked Bella across the face (snicker) "TELL HIM TO AVENGE YOU!" he cried.

_In the world of Lord of the Rings:_

Sam and Frodo climbed up the to the next stair as Gollum helped Frodo up. Sam got up as well and they decided to make camp and sleep on that ledge on the stair case. Gollum stared ominously at Sam with an evil glare. And Sam- again alerted Frodo-

_**~PAUSE!~**_

Hullo- dearest minions. Today, I will conclude the mergings in one FASINATING tale, of tragedy, romance, misery, and mystery... No… not really… actually it's just comedy… well anyways- on with the merging!!! *GONG NOISE*

_Now I bring you… THE END…_

Jacob bit into Bella's hand. "AAAAH! Owey-ow-y- OWWW!" screeched Bella.

Jacob laughed evilly…as all villains normally do- SUDDENLY … but not SURPRISINGLY…Edward ran in full speed followed by Emmett and Alice … "ILL SAVE YOU BELLA!!!" he cried…

Jacob weakly smiled…"Hmmm, so much for plan B" …. "Nah-nuh-nah-nuh-nah-naaah! YOUR OUTNUMBERED! " sang Edward.

Suddenly an army came crashing through the back wall and behind Jacob… Edward stared shocked at the large group of vicious looking orcs covered in amour… Edward whimpered counting on his fingers. "…1.……2.…3.…4.…5...6, 7....…crap…" Jacob grinned a toothy evil smile as well as his army did the same. Alice pointed at the gash in the wall and screamed "LOOK! FRODO AND THE RING!" and the army jerked their vision hole. Jacob turned his head back, "There's no hobbit over-" Bella Emmet Alice and Edward were gone…. "Crap…." said Jacob, as his words echoed through the empty ballet studio.

-meanwhile- Edward, Emmet, Alice and Bella were running full throttle away down the road, and they didn't realize but the road started gradually passing into dirt road, 'till the point dust came up from their feet. The four continued their marathon until Emmet whimpered "Someone look back and check if they're following us-" They all looked back and saw nothing but the dirt road, Edward sighed with relief "Pheew- they're-" DOOSH the company slammed into a gate door. "Oooowww…" whispered the bruised Emmet. "Eeehhh," groaned Alice as Bella made a moaning sound. The group got up and dusted off. "sigh, well… where are we? " said the confused Emmet looking at the gate. A little slot opened in the gate, "WHATTA YA WANT YA PESKY TEENAGERS?!" said the figure on the other side. "…um, where are we?" asked Emmet.

"ARG! IF YA MUST KNOW! YOU'RE AT THE VERY GATES OF RIVENDALE!"

Edward cocked an eyebrow. "Can we… come in?" questioned Alice. "FIIIIINE! Fiiiine! BUT DON'T EXPECT US TA LET JUST ANYBODY IN…" the group was let in reluctantly as they stared at the "everybody welcome" sign.

~Meanwhile~ 

On top of the army's safe haven, Legolas and Gimli prepared for battle. They and the other archers stared at the far off hills where orcs gathered and began running full speed to them. Legolas chuckled, "(snicker) Okay…1...2..." "3!!!" cried Gimli as the two started chucking water balloons at the orcs below. The two stood on top of the Forks Washington High school as orcs began smashing at it's brick walls. On the inside, Aragorn, was barring the front doors of the school, telling the men to get women and children in the back cave.

"Sir- there is no back cave! Just a supplies room!" whimpered a soldier.

"Very well! Into the storage room they go!" replied Aragorn to the stuttering soldier.

"Um. One more thing, my league,"

"Go on- what is it?"

"I thought you said we were heading to Helms Deep! Why are we in a high school?"

"BLAME OUR AUTHOR!" cried Aragorn.

Soon orcs had over run the doors and came barging into the hall. They tore down a "DISECTION TODAY" poster and destroyed classrooms. Seeing that the school's inside was flooded with orcs, Legolas took a skate board and rode down the staircase slicing an orc in half.

~MEANWHILE again~ 

Bella Edward Alice and Emmet entered the city… they all let out a confused "Huh?" as they stared in deep thought at the strange surroundings… It was nothing to their knowledge of what an elven city looked like. The waterfalls let out water lightly and bridges without splinters…. Emmet wandered away as did Alice, lost in the heavenly scenery. Edward scowled, he wrinkled his eyebrows at the sight of it all. Bella stared in amazement, "IT'S BUEATIFUL!!!" she giggled dragging Edward by his hand through the golden haze of buildings, arch ways and rivers….

"Oh dear… more emo teenagers…" sighed Elrond staring at the four walking around and… touching his glorious buildings. He walked down his stair case to go and greet the visitors.

Elrond walked up to Bella and Edward, "Hello, Welcome to Rivendale…" said Elrond, "May I interest you in a tour?" he said drowsily and un excited.

Edward, a little suspicious, was curious. "Not so fast---" Elrond stared blankly at the vampire. " Who are you again?" questioned Edward, "Because I would most certainly like to know where my tours come from"

"Edward- you're embarrassing me---" whispered Bella.

"I am Elrond, leader of the great council and ruler of these peaceful elven folk."

"Wait… elven… like, elves?" asked Bella excitedly.

"Siiigh… yes… like elves."

"Oh yeah where's Santa?" snapped Edward

"Doesn't exist in Middle Earth"

"Neither do elves"

"I am one-"

"But your not short."

"Elves aren't 'short' where I come from."

"And where is that?"

"Here-"

"Hmm. I see… very clever. But when I find out what mental institution you come form I'll be here to question you…."

"Very well- on with the tour now-"

Everyone followed but Edward.

"Art thou coming, lad?" called Elrond stopping.

"No-eth I-eth am-eth not-eth! YOU HEAR THAT YOU MIDEVAL FREAK?!" cried Edward.

"As you wish-" said Elrond continuing his tour, "Now first off- no flash photography at the sacred fountain and-or my castle." "Awwww!" cried Emmet.

~In other news~

"NOOOOOO!" cried Aragorn at Haldir's death. He turned to a soldier, "Fetch any lad able to bear arms- we need more men!" Soon Eric and Mike, confused and dazed, were armed with swords and shields, and put at the front lines.

"Eh?" whimpered Mike as he saw an orc thrash it's club at some innocent victim.

Eric stared at a corpse on the ground, he began to cry, "I DON'T WANNA DIIIEEEE!"

~on the other hand~

"Ooooo" said the group as Elrond showed them to a path under an arch to his garden,

"And this- is my lovely hedge garden" said Elrond.

"Aaaaaah-"

Bella walked along the tall hedges as Alice joined her. "Just look at this place!" sighed Bella dazed in the beauty.

"I know right?" Alice agreed.

"I think- "

Alice looked back to where Bella was just standing.

"Bella?"On the inside of a hedge Edward held Bella's mouth shut.

"_Shhhhhhh_!" he hissed, "It's not safe here! AND I KNOW IT!" he whispered sourly.

Bella took his hand off her mouth, "Edward are you nuts?! It's heaven here" she whispered.

"NO! No it's not! And- and I'll prove it- ILL PROVE IT!" he cried standing up, throwing his arms up in triumph. Elrond stared at Edward as Edward's head poked just above the tall hedges….Edward quickly threw his hands over his mouth and sat down again in the secrecy of the hedges. "I mean… I'll prove it…" he whispered. "Ugh! Your embarrassing me! There's no need to protect me here- I'm fine." said Bella getting up and walking out. "NOOOO! BELLA!" he hissed, "Every time there's a merging- EVERY TIME- something TERRIBLE happens! The first time: I DIED! The second: I STARTED TALKING BACKWARDS! Whose to say I'm not to loose you this time?"

"…" Bella awkwardly stared back… "… Yeah… I'm, just- uh, gonna go…over_**- there **_now… bye" she scrambled to the group again.

"NO! BELLA!" cried Edward. He sat alone, twitching, "I'm not crazy- THEY are the crazy ones… no- no- NOT me! NOT MEEEEEE! IM NOT CRAZY!" he laughed. Edward stared down at the ground. There he saw the ring. He held his gaze on it before taking it. "My precioussssss" he hissed.~On the other hand~

In the dawn's low light Eric and Mike reluctantly looked up to see the sun rising and in a glowing haze of yellow hues, came a unicorn with some ol' coot riding on it. "FOR NARNIA! I mean, FOR MIDDLE EARTH!" cried Gandalf riding down to the battlefield.

PAUSE…

Well, this is it, I must close the book, and end my mergings between the two, the door will shut. ( I run over to a giant portal in which one way looks like middle earth and through the other is Forks.) "EEEEEEEEEEEP!" I cried struggling to close the portal between them. I moaned trying to shut it but, I couldn't. "Sigh, well then, I guess they'll have to stay merged forever." I said still recovering through my loss of strength. "Well, until I have some power tools to shut this darn thing, I suppose it's **THE END **!!!"

Author's note: Mwuahaha, that's right, A bizarre twist to my ever so beloved story. So this was--- THE END? Or is it? *Laughs evilly at the fact your probably checking if there is a forth chapter* MWUAHAHA- ta ta for now, my minions.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter Four : NOT THE ENDING - YAY!**_

I suppose some of you may be mad that I made you think there was no fourth chapter, no continuation, but chin up! THERE IS! What's that? You thought it was a myth? A mere legend or folk fable? A hoax like the _Lochness monster _or _Bigfoot_? HAHA! I think not- the forth chapter- **IS** real. And now- chapter 4. THE STORY LIVES ON!

Previously: I had trouble closing the portal between the two book/movies so I gave up and left it that way- HOWEVER! I decided to join in as I watch the characters struggle to end the story. What's that? How did this start--- well- It happened just after the battle of Forks High was won.

"What do you mean you 'can't end it?!' " cried the irritated Bella.

"I said "I can't end it!" I told Bella, Alice and Emmet. "I used to close and open it as I please, but now I can't."

"But- but- you're the author- you can just type "I closed the portal" and be done with it!" stuttered Alice.

"… where's the fun in that?!" I accused.

"Hmm… she does have a point" said Emmet. Bella and Alice slapped him in the back of the head. "She does not!" they chorused.

"No- I mean, If she just closed it, then the story wouldn't of been interesting." said Emmet bracing for impact. Bella and Alice hit him again- to his expectations. "Thank you for realizing my point, for this I decide not to torment you this chapter." I said firmly. Emmet grinned and the girls struck him again. "Just close it!" cried Bella, "I haven't even seen Edward yet in the chapter and I'm worried."

"Oh yeah! It slipped my mind completely-" I said getting out a piece of paper, "Edward…was…" I continued thinking of where Edward should be right now.

"NOOO!" cried Bella tackling me for the paper.

"Not so fast!" I cried dangling the paper out of her reach as she desperately tried to snatch the pen, "BACK! Back I say! Or else Edward will be turn into elmo!"

Bella stepped back and crossed her arms pouting.

"That's better- now go deal with the problem yourself, I have your story to write." I said continuing where I left off. The three left the room and went out to seek the portal.

Now where was I? Oh yes. Edward was- hmm… AH HA! Edward was with Aragorn.

"HEAVE!" cried Aragorn as his army pulled on a rope. "HEAVE!" cried Jacob as his army pulled the other. They were pulling ropes that had connected to either side of the portal. The ropes crossed so that when they pulled it should close the portal. Edward was on the Forks' side as she and some students were bashing, smashing and crashing the side together with their hands. Aragorn on the Middle Earth side commanded both armies to pull the ropes harder but the portal didn't shut even a millimeter closed. "Sigh… nothing's working!" cried the exhausted Edward walking into the Middle Earth side.

Aragorn sighed, "Hrm… it seems so…I suppose we might have to revert to getting the giant elephants in here to sit on the portal then we'll-"

THUD "AAAAH! The Oliphant's are escaping!!!" cried a random voice.

"… Never mind." mumbled Aragorn.

_~Meanwhile~_

"Well, now what?" mumbled Bella. The group had stopped in front of a hole-like cottage and were resting outside a window.

"I guess we have to find the portal, and shut it…." said Emmet.

"… Gee- wish I thought of that." said the sarcastic Alice.

Alice looked back at a piece of grass where Bella once sat. "Where'd Bella go!?" whispered Alice franticly. The two searched in the grass for some time, but Bella, on the other hand- had been pulled through the window.

"SAM GAMGEE- what have you heard? Wait… what?!" Gandalf cried realizing the eavesdropper was just Bella. "Wha-wha-what!?" stuttered Bella.

"Well… Sam you've gained weight… and have gone transgender… that's, nice… I suppose." awkwardly stated Gandalf.

"Who's 'Sam!?' and I'M NOT A TRANSGENDER FATTY!" cried Bella.

"Whatever- but you still eavesdropped, and for this I have thought of the perfect punishment for you." replied Gandalf.

Bella went wide-eyed, "PUNISHMENT!? I'm not even in your story you crazy old coot!"

( I would've corrected Gandalf but I decided it was funnier this way. )

The next morning Bella was forced out the door with Frodo.

Gandalf thumped Bella on the head, "Well, Sam, seeing you're to go with Frodo I do suppose you should know, you are to face certain death. Good Luck- meet me at the prancing pony inn, there I shall await for you." said Gandalf ominously. The two walked not so merrily down the path until reaching a far strech of meadow.

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" cried Frodo, skipping next to Bella, "are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"NO! NOW SHUT UP YOU SHORT GAY MORON!"

Frodo stopped and went all 'puppy face'. His eyes got big and teary, and he starting quivering. "Fine, fine, I'm sorry- just start skipping faster before I leave you for the black riders."

"… ok?" said Frodo getting back to his pace.

The two walked all the way to the "Inn" (yes, I was too lazy to write they're walking scene). But this was days later so after a series of writer's block and brain freezes I decided what to write. Frodo ran up to the check in desk with Bella following behind. "Hello Mister! I'm on a mission… I gotta meet Gandalf the grey here… for my mission…. Wanna know what my mission is?"

"No thanks kid." said the guy running the desk as Bella stared disgusted at the cobwebs on the ceiling.

"I'll give you a hint… I'm going to destroy a certain thing in Mordor… wanna guess now?" said Frodo beaming.

"Just check in," said the drowsy man.

"Okey- Dokey," grinned the hobbit.

Frodo quickly took the check in book and signed in his name.

"Here ya go-" said Frodo handing the book back.

Bella looked over at Frodo, "Don't sign your REAL name! No one can know you were even here!" hissed Bella in Frodo's ear.

"OH! FRODO BAGAINS ISN'T MY NAME!" cried Frodo taking the book back.

"Saaaaam….G-am … gee…" sounded out Frodo as he wrote that in giving a thumbs up to Bella. "Ugh…. We're doomed…." said Bella putting her hands on her face.

~In other news….~

"Maybe we can follow her…"said Alice staring at Bella and Frodo through the gates' key-hole.

Emmet and Alice had been following Frodo and Bella since they saw them that morning coming out of the Shire. "I don't think so…" said Emmet peeking through a crack in one large wooden plank. "How'd they get in there when we can't even see them without peering through a centimeter long hole?" whined Alice.

"The author was too lazy to write how they got in," Emmet answered.

"Ugh….great…" sneered Alice.

They walked away from the gates disappointed.

"Sigh I guess we'll have to-mmhphp! Mmalisssssmmmmhelpmmmm" Emmet was stopped half way through the sentence while Alice looked around noticing Emmet was suddenly gone. "Great! Emmet- this is NOT funny ok?! Mmmpphmmmph!" All of a sudden an orc came out of no-where and shoved Alice in a bag as well as Emmet. They were carried away to who knows where as the orcs rejoiced over kidnapping who they thought to be hobbits.

~On the other hand~

"ARAGORN! ARAGORN!" cried Legolas. Gimli followed behind. Aragorn looked to the elf, "What is it Master Greenleaf?"

"They're taking Miss Swan to Isengaurd!"

Aragorn looked up, "What?!"

Legolas panted, "I was looking over the hills, where some orcs had been bragging about how they caught the ring when and I found this!"

"_Dear Edward,_

_It pains me to do this, but I'm leaving, apparently I have to go destroy a ring… and now I have to go. Good bye._

_-Bella_

_p.s. The gay one is with me, so don't go on a jealous rampage."_

"BWUAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Aragorn, "Aha- oh this is funny, she already got kidnapped 5 minutes into the merging, WAIT- the ring…is with Frodo…GASP."

Edward immediately ran over hearing Bella's name. "What's all this laughter about?" asked Edward curiously.

"Nothing!" cried Legolas and Aragorn hiding the note behind they're back. "Lemme see! Lemme see!" cried Edward sneaking quickly behind they're back snatching the note.

"We gotta go after them!" he shrieked.

"…I agree…unfortunately…. Frodo has the ring, therefore we must save him."

~In the short time it took Emmet and Alice to be kid-napped, and Edward and Aragorn to notice and mistake them for Bella and Frodo~

"THROW IT IN!" cried Bella.

"…no..." hissed Frodo, "It's mine."

Then Gollum came out and smacked a rock over Bella's head. "He,he,he," croaked Gollum, "The fat mean hobbit won't get in the way now, preciousssss…" Gollum attacked Frodo and forced him to let go of the ring. Gollum followed after it and soon enough Sauron's tower… didn't crumble into ruins?

Frodo stared out of Mount Doom's opening and at Sauron's eye. "This … is … odd…." said Bella as Frodo twitched. Frodo ran out of the cave and onto a flat part of the mountain, "He isn't even looking at me!"

~On the other side of Middle Earth~

The portal slowly started closing and with a snap and a loud clap of thunder it shut.

~Back to Bella and Frodo~

"What happened?!" cried Bella

~And now to where to portal was just hovering~

Edward and Aragorn stared up at where it just was, when Brianna came barging through the crowd of Meyer's and Tolkien's characters. "EXCUSE ME! COMING THROUGH!" I called.

"Brianna! Thank goodness you're here! The portal closed - and I'm not in Forks… I'm here!" cried Edward.

"Shush Edwierd. Now listen, I know the portal closed and you guys aren't on the other side, I also know that I left some orcs roaming Forks (tee hee, cheesy rhyme.)"

"Then how do we get back to-" Edward hesitated…"oh no…." he pleaded.

"Yes!" I cried, "A FIFTH CHAPTER!" I cheered.

"NOOOOOO!" shouted all of the characters around me.

To be continued,

"UNFORTUNETLY!" cried Aragorn.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: Teaming up

Author's note: It's been a while since I've written this story, and I've decided to continue again! WOO! I now humbly present: **CHAPTER FIVE! **

_We begin our tale as :_

BANG!… BANG!…BANG!… Edward smacked his head against the wall as Bella stared at the ceiling. Jasper was knitting and Jacob was scratching in another tally mark into the wall. The Cullens all sat in Elrond's courtyard as the day withered away. It had been months and Brianna ( THAT WOULD BE ME ) had still not opened up the portal. And now, she was going on vacation in a few days. She had guard beagles guarding where portal would open. And she tried her hardest not to let any of the characters escape.

Suddenly Elrond ran up the stairs. "GRAND NEWS! GRAND NEWS GET UP! GET DRESSED AND MEET ME DOWN STAIRS AT THE COUNCIL BALCONY!""It better not be as GRAND news as when you figured out Sting's real name, 'cause it's early in the morning." hissed Alice covering her head in a pillow.

"No, no, nothing like that, it's an escape plan!" he cried gleefully.

"OH NO!" cried Bella covering her ears.

"Not another one!" said Emmett.

"Yeah, Edward's still traumatized of Elton John from your last plan." said Jasper.

"ELTON JOHN!? ELTON JOHN!? NOOOO!" cried Edward scrambling to get under the bed.

"NO! Bad vampire! There's no Elton John!" said Bella pulling Edward by his shirt to get out from under the bed.

"I guess that's why they call it the blues…" quivered Edward.

"Shh- shh- it's ok," said Rosalie trying to comfort him.

"No- this one will work! 'Cause this time, she's on vacation!" cried Elrond.

They looked at Elrond doubtingly.

Elrond stared at them… "If you do not attend, you can get your butts out of my castle."

The Cullens stared back….

"Sigh,…fine… we'll be ready in 10 minutes." said Alice giving in.

~TEN MINUTES LATER~

"Friends, I have called you to this meeting to discuss a very important matter…" announced Elrond.

"Is it about Sting again?" asked Legolas, "Because personally I find it trivial to hold a second meeting to discu-"

"IT'S NOT ABOUT STING OKAY!? _That was a break through!_ And anyway- I've called you here to determine means of escape!" stated Elrond proudly.

"WHAT!?" cried Gimli, "NOT AGAIN!"

"This better not be involving Elton John," said Strider.

"ELTON JOHN!?" screamed Edward! He clung to a tree and shut his eyes tight singing softly to himself.

"Gondor has no Elton John… Gondor needs not Elton John." said Borimir.

"STOP SAYING ELTON JOHN!" cried Bella, "You're petrifying Edward!"

Frodo giggled, "Is that so?" He snuck up beside Edward. "Elton John!"

"AAH!" shrieked the vampire climbing up the tree.

"Cool!" said Pippin, "Let me try! Elton John!"

"ROCKET MAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" screamed Edward shaking violently in the tree so that leaves began falling.

"Elton John!" cried Merry.

"STOP THAT!" cried Bella smacking the hobbit in the head.

"OW!" cried Merry rubbing his curly topped head.

"FOCUS! Brianna is on vacation in Florida, if we are ever to escape now's our chance to!" said Elrond getting the group's attention.

"Fine." said Strider, "What will you have us do?"

"Alright, now it seems that if destroying one ring of power closed the portal, then it should take another to open it…"

"Your point?" said Bella confused as Edward finally came down the tree with Emmett's help.

"My point- is that if we get one of you to go and destroy this ring… the portal will most likely open again, and Brianna can't stop us if she's in Florida!"

The group was silent, "Now, who will go on this perilous journey to face certain doom to save the rest of us?"

Everyone was wide eyed staring.

"Hmm… maybe I should've worded that differently…" mumbled Elrond.

No one volunteered still.

"Well_ someone must go!" said Elrond._

_Everyone took one step back but Frodo._

_The hobbit looked back, "huh?" He looked ahead again. _

"_Congratulations, what a valiant little lad," said Elrond shaking his hand._

"_Now Elrond, you and I both know he cannot go alone…" said Gandalf._

_Elrond frowned… "He could make it…it wouldn't be a round trip but he could do it."_

_Frodo gulped._

"_No, no. Surely someone must accompany him!" said Gandalf._

"…" _no one replied._

"_Fine, then I will." said Gandalf as he mumbled and stood beside Frodo._

"…_Fine… then you have my bow!" said Legolas standing up._

"…_And my axe!" said Gimli joining Legolas._

"… _AND MY SPARKL-Y-NESS!" said Edward as he sparkled in the sun._

"…_Anyone else?" said Gandalf seeking someone else to take Edward's place._

_No one volunteered._

"_Sigh… fine…" mumbled Gandalf to himself._

"_OH EDWARD YOU'RE SO BRAVE!" squealed Bella._

"_Very well, I now present! The fellowship of the ring!"_

"…_I prefer team Awesome…" mumbled Frodo,_

_~In a few hours~_

"_We're going to Mordor, so we can vanquish Sauron!" sang Frodo._

"_We're going to Mordor, and Saruman is a moron!" sang Edward._

"_We're leaving Rivendale, the fellowship is awesome!" sang Frodo._

"_We're leaving Rivendale, and uh…something…something POSSUM!" sang Edward._

"_How long do we have to put up with this?" asked Legolas._

"_If it doesn't end tonight, we'll leave them for the orcs." assured Gandalf._

"_HEY! ( snicker ) HEY LEGOLAS!" laughed Edward._

_Legolas sighed, "Just ignored them, Legolas…just ignore them…"_

"_HEY LEGOLAS!" cried Edward again, "LEGOLAAAAAAS! Teehee."_

_Legolas didn't respond._

"_LEGOLAAAAAAAS! HEY LEGOLAS! Psst! LEGOLAS!"_

_Legolas shut his eyes and waited for it to end._

"_LEEEEEGOOOOOLAAAASSSSSS!" whined Edward. "LEGOLAS! HEY BLONDIE!_

"_WHAT THE SHIRE DO YOU WANT!?"_

"_Knock knock!"_

"_Who's there?"_

"_banana."_

"_Banana who?"_

"_banana."_

"_Banana who?"_

"_banana."_

"_Banana WHO?"_

"_Orange."_

"_Edward I swear to god-"_

"_Orange you cold in that skirt?!" laughed Edward. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" squealed Frodo and Edward laughing so hard they fell to the ground._

_Legolas scowled, "NOW YOU LISTEN HERE SPARKLES!" cried Legolas grabbing Edward by the collar, "THIS ISN'T A SKIRT IT'S A TUNIC! AND AT LEAST MY AUTHOR BUT SOME DETAIL INTO WHATEVER THE HECK I'M WEARING UNLIKE YOU! WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? A BLUE SHIRT! AS FOR ME: I WEAR ELVEN TUNICS MADE OF PEARLS AND SOFT FABRIC MADE BY THE FINEST OF ELVEN FOLK! SO NEXT TIME YOU GO COMPLAINING ABOUT TOLKEIN'S CREATION THINK ABOUT HOW MESSED UP STEPHANIE MEYERS IS! I MEAN SERIOUSLY! MY SKILL : I AM AN ARCHER. YOURS? YOU SPARKLE! THINK ABOUT IT!" and with that Legolas let go of Edward and seethed to himself for a bit._

_Edward whimpered to himself for a couple of seconds._

"_I think sparkling is great skill." said Frodo. _

"_That doesn't count. You're gay." said Edward getting to a stand. _

_After a couple more hours of walking they came to the mouth of the Mines of Moria. _

"_Ahh, my cousin has a very nice place! He'll take good care of us! He'll surely give us a big buffet and some rest!" assured Gimli staring at the doors._

"_There's an inscription above it…" said Gandalf._

"_It seems a sort of German," said Frodo, "I cannot read it."_

"_Yes, there are few who can…" assured Gandalf._

_Gimli spoke up, "It's clearly a password!"_

"_Oh I got this!" said Edward. "PASSWORD!"_

_The doors began to creek and sure enough slowly creaked open. _

"…_How did you know the password?" asked Legolas._

"_That's what my password is." said Edward._

_The group entered and came to the opening staircase. There were bones and corpses everywhere._

"_My, my, I love what your cousin's done with the place." admired Edward._

"…_This doesn't seem right." said Legolas taking notice of the arrows that pierced some of the bodies._

_They entered upon another room with a well in the midst of it… and a tomb below a window sill._

_KA-PLONK! Edward dropped a huge rock in it._

"_Hahaha! Guys! Look at this!" he giggled as a faint sound of drums began to roll throughout the room._

"_EDWARD! Next time you should drop yourself in to rid us of your stupidity!" said Gandalf alerted by the drums. The beating got louder and louder. It rolled through the room with an enormous echo._

"_I have a plan!" cried Edward… "But it's pretty risky."_

_The vampire stared at Legolas._

"…_What?" responded the elf._

_~ A development of Edward's plan later ~_

"_I hate you guys so much." said Legolas with an orc mask and fluffy dress._

_Meanwhile the rest of the company hid behind a corner underneath a blanket._

_The fellowship awaited for the impending danger. Soon enough noises were heard on the other side of the barricaded doors. BAM!… the doors were struck. BAM! They were hit again. CRASH! The doors fell finally admitting dozens of orcs into the room._

_Legolas whistled catching the orcs attention. "OH YOOHOOO!" he said flirtatiously._

_Frodo giggled uncontrollably as Gandalf attempting to hold his mouth shut from underneath the blanket._

"_I hate this story, I hate this story, I hate this story." grumbled Legolas as he stuck out his leg from underneath his dress._

_The orcs stood there absolutely dazed as the company escaped behind them._

"_NOW LEGOLAS!" cried Gandalf as the fellowship made their way up the stairs finally casting away the blanket. With that Legolas pointed up, "OMG! LOOK! FRODO IS ESCAPING WITH THE RING!" cried Legolas staring at the ceiling. The orcs looked up as Legolas joined the company whom were running up the stairs._

"_I hate you Edward! I hate you! Hate you, hate you, hate you!" whimpered Legolas as the company escaped the mines._

_~ a trip to mordor later ~_

"_THROW IT IN!" cried Gimli. "GET RID OF IT!"_

"_DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!" chanted the fellowship._

_Frodo stared at it… "No… it's mine…. My precious…." he hissed._

"_Sigh, again with the whole precious thing?" sighed Legolas._

"_I'll handle this." said Edward. He ran up behind Frodo and tickled him._

"_HAHAHA! STOP IT! HAHAHAHA! STOO-HAHAHA STOP!" snickered Frodo as he dropped the ring into the lava._

_RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE! The whole world shook as the ring of power melted away._

_Lava spewed from the mountain and Sauron's tower fell to the ground. Rubble and molten rock fell to the ground._

_Suddenly, "HEY GUYS! I'm BAAA- …" Brianna barged in carrying her bags… she stared at the fellowship._

"_WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO?! I was only gone for a week and already Sauron's been destroyed and you made Mt. Doom explode!" I sighed to myself, "That's it, next time I'm getting a sitter for you guys,"_

_THE END!_

_p.s. Try again next time guys… the portal isn't gonna open that easily!_


End file.
